Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
