Umm I'm too high to move.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
