She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
