On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ruined the universe
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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