I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
