i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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