He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want to make out with him forever
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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