Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
