After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am midnight drunk by noon
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
