So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am naked and annoyed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
