i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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