My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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