first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
