we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
