I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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