All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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