i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
