oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Success! We fucked roommates!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
