i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
