my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
