Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
