can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
