so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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