I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
