I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
