I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
