I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
