Will you blow on my dice?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
