I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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