Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
