i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
