would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
