TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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