I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
