i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
