She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love you. Go after that dick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
