I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
