the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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