There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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