May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
