I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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