I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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