I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
