My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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