I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
