I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
