Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
