You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
