my phone needs a breathalizer
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
