I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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