you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
