"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
