i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
