new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
