I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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