One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh†while his GF was with him. FML
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
