She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
